What is my attachment style and does it really matter?

Answered by Dr. Nitnem Singh Sodhi · Consultant Psychologist & Psychotherapist · Updated 2026-05-23

Short answer

Attachment style is the template for how you do close relationships, formed in childhood but modifiable in adulthood. It matters because it predicts relationship satisfaction more than personality match. The good news: it can change with secure relationships and structured therapy.

Attachment theory has gone viral on Instagram, often badly summarised. Here is the clinical version.

The four styles

Secure — comfortable with closeness and independence. Anxious — fears abandonment, seeks reassurance. Avoidant — values independence, uncomfortable with closeness. Disorganised — wants closeness but fears it, often after early trauma.

Can it change?

Yes. The mechanism is corrective experience — sustained relationships (including therapy) where the old prediction is gently disconfirmed. Most people move toward earned-secure with structured work over 1–3 years.

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